December 2011
BEST DIVORCE LETTER, EVER! →
Dear Wife,
I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever. I’ve been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even...
no one: wow i really like you
me: i'm so lonely omg i just want someone to talk to me
someone: hey
me: no not you
When your best friend is making a presentation at...
Girlfriend: Babe, what are you doing?
Boyfriend: Nothing much, really tired going to sleep now and you sweetheart?
Girlfriend: In the club standing behind you -_-
Just like the alphabet, bitch. I come before U.
Operator: 911, please hold.
Me: Stop murdering me for a sec; we're on hold.
Murderer: ok